i write this from the comfort of my yellow walled room, on my bed at the window, with a bowl of fresh strawberries between my legs as the sounds of sweet sax and soft piano solos are filling my space with vibes. i feel my presence. is this what it means to be relaxed? the feeling of calm feels almost unnatural. a little unsettling after a year of nonstop thinking. after my brain has been marinated in words and formulas and code.
the season of unpacking. unpacking my thoughts. unpacking my experiences and the lessons they taught me. unpacking the weight of my self and sorting out the peaces to keep and the pieces to throw away.
a time of reflection and honesty. a time of unlearning stress and being comfortable in simply being.
perhaps that is why i postponed this long overdue post. to declutter and come to you from a clear mind. a position of reflection because mirrors don’t only show you what’s before you but also what’s behind.
i write this from between mirror and background, as i am right smack in the middle of my college career. two years behind me, two years ahead. i stand in a position of gratitude. grateful for the struggle. grateful for the hands that held mine as i weathered the storms and the hands i let go because our seasons did not align. grateful for my lowest points because in those moments God came through in the most unexpected ways and poured a peace that surpasses all understanding all over my life. God came through and talked to me through people. talked to me through repetition of words from people who are unaffiliated. talked to me through music and poetry and wind, carrying the same message: “trust in me”.
a friend asked me what i want from this summer. i didn’t know how to answer because i never expected a season to owe me anything. she rephrased and asked me what do i need from this summer. and i said peace and clarity. i’m starting to realize those come with the package of trusting God, trusting my self, and the journey.
in a couple of weeks, i will be returning home to Ghana for the rest of the summer. words cannot describe the feeling in my stomach. nine years later, i am going to reconnect with old friends and family who have experienced life while i’ve been gone without me knowing all the little details i love to know. that’s another thing to add to my requests from this summer: re-connection. with heaps of laughter and embraces and adventure.