on the year i sought

two years ago i abandoned resolutions and decided to choose a single word that i would be my mantra for the entire year instead. it took the pressure off setting myself up for disappointment when my human tendencies kicked in and i didn’t meet a set goal. the word would inform my decisions and reactions in both happy and tough situations. it would be the theme of how i live my life. it would be daily a reminder of my values and priorities.
in 2016, my mantra was “seek”. i declared i was going to
seek clarity
seek spaces of love and healing
seek God’s presence
seek community
seek opportunities to make my future self proud
seek challenge because there hasn’t been a challenge that hasn’t lead to growth
seek spaces that i and my ideas can create valuable change.

as i sit here on the eve of the last day of the year, in my sweatpants and hoodie, contemplating whether walking downstairs to get tea is worth losing the comfortable position i’m in, i am amazed that this year has gone by so quickly. actually, just kidding.. 2016 was lowkey really long. however i amazed that i was able to actually implement seeking into my life this year without even doing it on purpose because honestly i forgot i was suppose to be living by a word.

i did seek clarity when i didn’t understand. i have a friend with whom i don’t always get along with because our personalities clash. i simply don’t understand where she’s coming from sometimes because i think very differently than she does. so when we would disagree, i sought clarity of what she meant and why. going through this process was of course not easy, and i had to come to terms with the fact that i was perpetuating the strife in the friendship by making assumptions. this reminded me to seek clarity even when i feel i already understand.

i did seek God’s presence through spaces of love and healing which ended up inducting me into a community that was before my eyes all along. i just never made time. i barely attended church this year but i found the peace i needed in attending a campus ministry meeting once a week. i missed a meeting occasionally here and there, but used that time to seek other ways of surrounding myself with that same feeling by listening to Hillsong Worship music in my room and writing out my prayers. i’ve found that writing them out helps me say all i want to say in the most raw honest way without trying to sound perfect. i plan on continuing this in the new year.

i did seek an opportunity to make my future self proud. i made the bold move of sending my resume and a letter to a company i wanted to work for in Ghana over the summer. i knew i wanted to spend the whole summer returning home to Ghana since i hadn’t been back in over 8 years. i created that opportunity even though it didn’t exist and it worked splendidly. i had the best summer of my life and got to see family i hadn’t seen in ages. my future self will be proud that i didn’t go another year asking when i’ll be able to go to Ghana again, yet rather created an avenue that would take me there.

i didn’t seek all the time though, and honestly i spent most of my time at school in my dorm room. this meant i didn’t seek opportunities to meet new people or get involved on campus. 2016 was the year i was antisocial. i wish i could say i was using that time wisely but i mostly napped and enjoyed my solitude. this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but i know that too much solitude won’t feed my soul new food.

as i think about what next year’s word should be, i am am humbled because i know that with whichever word i go with will come growth.

e.

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4 thoughts on “on the year i sought

  1. Love the one-word mantra! And prayer journaling is amazing – wish I could stick to it properly. Wrote in my prayer journal only like three times this whole year ☹️ but reading those three entries helped me really see how God answered all my prayers in due time. Great post, girl! 💜

  2. I like this post. Also, I write my prayers out too. It’s also useful because sometimes, when I want to pray about the same thing, I just take my notebook and re-read my prayer to God out loud. 🙂

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