on flowers

we’re here. we made it. we are still breathing and it’s lit.
i think rupi kaur put it best when she wrote what she learned from 2016. “i learned everything is temporary. moments. feelings. people. flowers. i learned love is about giving. everything. and letting it hurt. i learned vulnerability is always the right choise because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult to remain soft.”

absorbing these lessons, it’s clear to me what my mantra for 2017 was destined to be: sow.

sow. | verb

  1. to plant seed for growth by scattering
  2. to set something in motion
  3. to introduce into a selected environment

the many definitions of this word is why i think it’s perfect for this new season in my life because it’ll allow for reoccurance in every situation and moment this year has in store.

to me, sowing mean to plant what i want to reap because nothing ever grew where it wasn’t sown. to invest in something with a heart of patience, knowing that something has been set in motion from what i have sown. whether i can see results or not, trusting that sowing is the catalyst for blooming.

in 2017 i will sow softness, patience, and forgiveness into my relationships with people. often times i’m too quick to respond and tend to hold onto negative feelings longer than is healthy. i know that sowing softness into my daily interactions will build stronger relationships where vulnerability thrives.

i will sow my time into an organization (i’m picking only one to be realistic with myself and to make sure that i am giving the best of myself and not a half hearted piece) in hopes of impacting my community.

i will sow into adulting by setting money aside to pay off my student loans, as well as seeking opportunities that will contribute more funds to that cause. it’s my dream to graduate debt free.

i will sow into my mental health by taking time to journal often, by taking time to self care through talking walks, taking myself on adventure dates, and reading the books i’ve been wanting to read. by being honest with myself and my friends when asked if i’m okay, and to talk out my feelings.

most importantly, i will sow into my spiritual health by intentionally making time to spend fellowshiping, and by listening to Hillsong’s Let There be Light album *heart eyes* — it’s gold. go check it out. you’re welcome in advance.

happy new year to you, and cheers to many blooms in all aspects of your life in this new year!

what word are you living by in 2017?

e.

on mapless road trips

when my dad called G and i this morning to get ready for church, our first response was to groan because we were still tired from last night’s New Year’s Eve party which we got home from around 3am. we washed our crusty eyes and dressed lazily in contrast to how we usually like to slay to church.
Continue reading

on the year i sought

two years ago i abandoned resolutions and decided to choose a single word that i would be my mantra for the entire year instead. it took the pressure off setting myself up for disappointment when my human tendencies kicked in and i didn’t meet a set goal. the word would inform my decisions and reactions in both happy and tough situations. it would be the theme of how i live my life. it would be daily a reminder of my values and priorities.
in 2016, my mantra was “seek”. i declared i was going to
seek clarity
seek spaces of love and healing
seek God’s presence
seek community
seek opportunities to make my future self proud
seek challenge because there hasn’t been a challenge that hasn’t lead to growth
seek spaces that i and my ideas can create valuable change.

as i sit here on the eve of the last day of the year, in my sweatpants and hoodie, contemplating whether walking downstairs to get tea is worth losing the comfortable position i’m in, i am amazed that this year has gone by so quickly. actually, just kidding.. 2016 was lowkey really long. however i amazed that i was able to actually implement seeking into my life this year without even doing it on purpose because honestly i forgot i was suppose to be living by a word.

i did seek clarity when i didn’t understand. i have a friend with whom i don’t always get along with because our personalities clash. i simply don’t understand where she’s coming from sometimes because i think very differently than she does. so when we would disagree, i sought clarity of what she meant and why. going through this process was of course not easy, and i had to come to terms with the fact that i was perpetuating the strife in the friendship by making assumptions. this reminded me to seek clarity even when i feel i already understand.

i did seek God’s presence through spaces of love and healing which ended up inducting me into a community that was before my eyes all along. i just never made time. i barely attended church this year but i found the peace i needed in attending a campus ministry meeting once a week. i missed a meeting occasionally here and there, but used that time to seek other ways of surrounding myself with that same feeling by listening to Hillsong Worship music in my room and writing out my prayers. i’ve found that writing them out helps me say all i want to say in the most raw honest way without trying to sound perfect. i plan on continuing this in the new year.

i did seek an opportunity to make my future self proud. i made the bold move of sending my resume and a letter to a company i wanted to work for in Ghana over the summer. i knew i wanted to spend the whole summer returning home to Ghana since i hadn’t been back in over 8 years. i created that opportunity even though it didn’t exist and it worked splendidly. i had the best summer of my life and got to see family i hadn’t seen in ages. my future self will be proud that i didn’t go another year asking when i’ll be able to go to Ghana again, yet rather created an avenue that would take me there.

i didn’t seek all the time though, and honestly i spent most of my time at school in my dorm room. this meant i didn’t seek opportunities to meet new people or get involved on campus. 2016 was the year i was antisocial. i wish i could say i was using that time wisely but i mostly napped and enjoyed my solitude. this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but i know that too much solitude won’t feed my soul new food.

as i think about what next year’s word should be, i am am humbled because i know that with whichever word i go with will come growth.

e.